For You

My painting exhibit opened on the first of April. At Gallery Tasmania.

Three months of painting during every one of Simon's nap times, bed times, painting painting painting. I got 12 of my 20 pieces done in that short time.

There some important things learned from (finally) doing this.

Like that I am very very afraid that people will think I have "moved on" or am fully functioning, just because I can tackle a project like this. Truth is, my head is STILL rarely on straight. Grief does crazy things to you, physically and emotionally, and I find it remarkably hard to get to the end of a day and, regardless of how good it may have been, not break down and wonder how in the world I am going to muster the energy to get up the next day and do it all over again.

This started out as just "something to do" so I would have a goal to work towards and not let myself get completely sucked into my grief over loosing Ben. Because, to quote Finnick in Mockingjay:

"It takes ten times longer to put yourself together as it does to fall apart." 

It's taking all my energy just to keep moving on day to day as it is. I can't afford to fall apart because I don't have the energy to put myself back together again. This project, painting with a deadline, has kept me together. It has been frustrating at times, since during my free-time sometimes the last thing I've wanted to do is more work. But, while I've forgotten all the science-y reasons behind it, art, even just coloring with crayons in a coloring book, makes you feel good. It relaxes, and just... helps.

Slowly, I realized that the painting was more than just something to keep me together. It was something I was doing FOR Bennet. Using his memory, the pain caused by losing him, and his far-too-short life, for something good, something beautiful. Because each day that passes feels like I leave him further and further behind. Each day that passes is another day since I last felt him move inside my belly. Another day since I last held his small body in my arms. Another day further away from the day I left him in his small coffin on the side of a hill, alone. Painting, for him, brought him closer to me. Helped remind me that I carry him with me, in memory, always. That while the days bring me further from events, they don't bring me further from him.

And so, my paltry offering to his memory, for now, anyway, are these:

(To view the photos larger, just click on them)
(Due to differences in monitor settings, colors may appear different than in real life. Also, pictures rarely, if ever, do justice to paintings)
(Somehow, with both of us taking photos of everything, one piece STILL managed not to get photographed. I swear I did 20)

Poppies

Poppies Ready For Harvest

Saying Goodbye

Wrong Turn Down a Goat Trail

Another Wrong Turn

To the Water

Behind the Clouds

Storm's Coming

Black Cockatoo

Fairy Wren

Digger's Paradise

Rainy Day in Paradise

Mist and Sunrise

First Date

Open Road

Mathinna Falls

Hide and Seek

His Sheep

Westmorland Falls

(If you are reading this and are in Tasmania, or ever plan on visiting Tasmania, drop in to Fudge 'n' Good Coffee, that houses Gallery Tasmania, to look at other great local artwork, as well as try some, well, GREAT fudge and good coffee. No, I'm not sponsored or anything like that and that's why I say this. I just really like their fudge and coffee.)

Hike to Westmorland Falls

This past weekend was a very busy one for us. It was labor day weekend in Tassie, which meant three day weekend! Three days Phillip had off work to spend with Simon and me.

But since an old friend/my sister-in-law's now-fiancée-but-over-the-weekend-was-her-boyfriend was visiting, there were extended family outings planned. Which turned in to just the two of them, us three, and my mother-in-law, for a hike to Westmorland Falls. Then an "only our little family" outing to   Steam Fest, but that's fodder for another post.

Playing with a new texture: moss

Hiking with a toddler is... interesting. This was a fairly easy hike. Not flat, but not a whole lot of steep inclines that can be typical of hiking paths around here. But it was not stroller or pram friendly at all. Thankfully, Simon seems to have even more energy than your average 1.5 year old, and wanted, and was able to, walk most of the 2+ hour hike. The only parts he didn't walk were the parts we deemed to steep and slippery for him, or when we walked very close to water or over bridges. And he fought us the whole time to get down and walk himself.

A little over an hour of walking and we reached the main falls. It was beautiful. While us adults find such things calming and want to relax for a bit by them enjoying the beauty, our little toddler wanted to keep waking and exploring (no tired feet or little legs on this one, let's keep moving!). Phillip was kind enough to take him tramping through some mud and bushes so I could take photos.

Throwing leaves off the bridge on the way to the falls

The walk back was slightly more relaxed. Simon walked nearly the whole way back, complaining, again, at any assistance given so he didn't tumble head over heels down steep embankments. I ended up with an excruciatingly sore knee (no idea why) and a bad blister because I stepped in water while taking photos.

It was a lovely walk though, and we'd love to do it again!

The end result of over two hours of walking

Simon was pooped at the end of the walk, but somehow not utterly exhausted. He napped for a solid 40 minutes in the car, woke up, and ran some more.

I don't wonder why I'm so tired at the end of every day, any more. This child needs this level of activity every day to keep him happy and sane!

Hikes in Evercreech Forest Preserve: It's kinda like Middle Earth

I haven't posted in a month (again) because, well, mostly life is same old same old. What with becoming increasingly large and pregnant, I really don't get out much, and other than a lot more large spider sightings than last year (I'll post photos at some point to make people cringe), not much has happened.

But Phillip and I did finally manage to make it out to the West Coast last weekend.

As far as "stuff", there really wasn't much there that I was aware of. Because Phillip's job involves driving all over the state to move people, he really only mostly knows what areas have really pretty scenery and are the worst to move into as far as houses in hilly areas with ridiculously steep driveways. And even though he's grown up here, he's never really been anywhere in a touristy sense. But, he told me the scenery driving out to the West Coast was really pretty, and, thanks to Google, found a few tourist attractions.

Now, obviously, being that it is the West Coast, there is a, well, coast. There's the Bay of Fires, and, um, that's all I really remember. What Phillip told me he read was that it looks like the bay is on fire if you get there at the right time of day. That time being sunset, or close to it. But, since it was a 3 hour long drive, we didn't plan on getting there to see that since it would mean coming home extremely late. Oh well, other times if camping is a possibility, perhaps.

Our main plan ended up being: hiking through the White Knights, which are a type of massive eucalyptus tree. Then, depending on how pregnant I was feeling (walking can be... difficult at the moment. As can sitting for long hours. Too much of either leads to remarkable pain and discomfort), we were going to take another short hike to see a waterfall in the same general region as the White Knights.

From Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
This is what was described to us.

From what Phillip told me (and later told me he read somewhere), the White Knights sounded like walking through that forest scene in Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings, when the fellowship enters into the woodland elves realm.  All those massive white trees, kind of glowing and breathtaking. No undergrowth, and just, well, MASSIVE white trees.



Picturing this made the real thing somewhat disappointing. Not FULLY disappointing  as there are still a lot of similarities, and it wasn't that the hike wasn't beautiful, it was just... well, it was a lesson in realistic expectations.

What a majority of the White Knights ACTUALLY looked like.
Not the massive 300-yr-old ones, but still, beautiful.

Estimated at around 300 years old. This is the biggest tree I have ever seen.
It's quite majestic.

Big fat 300-year-old tree and big fat pregnant lady.
Just for some perspective (I know I have a long way to go yet!).

Honestly though, the walk was nice and easy, through some temperate rain forest (lots and lots of massive ferns) and then seeing those massive white trees. They really were quite impressive and beautiful. And the walk itself was just... nice. Really pretty.

Phillip enjoying the walk.
Or something I said.

After a nice picnic lunch of mostly lots of fruit, we drove the twenty or so minutes to Mathinna Falls. Waterfalls, of course, need plenty of water to be in existence. We really, at this point, haven't had much rain in 2-3 months, so Phillip and I weren't very hopeful that the falls would be going, but the walk promised to be easy again, and nice. Water was flowing in the stream the path followed so we weren't surprised when, nearly halfway in, we could hear the roar of rushing water. But it was much stronger than we thought it would be! And SO beautiful!

Not the BEST picture of the falls, but the one Phillip got needs some touching up.
We'll pop it up at a later date for your enjoyment.

We had planned on taking a brief trip to the beach and going for a swim, but we needed to fill up on petrol. However, it seems that all the towns within a 30 minute driving distance were the kind that you blink once and you miss. And all of them only had one petrol station. That was cash only. And closed on Saturdays. So, we never made it to the beach, but instead turned around to go back home, in the direction we knew we would get petrol before the car died.

Also, driving through the forest on the way to the waterfall, we saw plenty of kangaroos. REAL kangaroos. Which still impress me since most of what I see around home are wallabies. And most of those tend to be roadkill.

Eastern Grey Kangaroo

Overall, it was a nice trip. Not so much the driving (our air conditioning doesn't work well, if at all, and Phillip doesn't like to have the windows down as much as I do). Also, sitting for long periods of time makes my back and belly all achy. But getting out and seeing some reasonably new things, very nice. Being able to take nice easy walks through said new things? Even better for my achy pregnant body that can't decide if sitting is too much or walking is too much.

Liffey Falls Fail

Last weekend, Phillip and I, because of canceled plans and injured shoulders, ended up driving out to do the short hike to Liffey Falls to try and, well, see the falls.

This photo doesn't do the Big Tree justice.
It's just MASSIVE

This would be our second attempt. The first was during my visit here last January. We ended up taking the wrong trail and walking for hours on what looked like nothing more than some goat path. We saw some little waterfalls, and it was an undeniably beautiful walk. However, my knee problem flared up because of the roughness of the trail, and we went in prepared for an hour long easy walk, not a 5 hour long hike over fallen trees, rocks, and some, at times, rather slippery and steep terrain.

We were also distracted by a sign pointing to a "Big Tree" path, that led to, well, a big tree. A REALLY big tree.

Anyway, this time, we knew which path we were supposed to go on. So after a 30+ minute drive, we arrived at the park, started walking, and, of course, the main viewing platform was closed because it's being reconstructed.

Yay.

But if I can't bring my firearms,
how will I defend myself from vicious raptors?

Attempt number two failed....We still haven't seen Liffey Falls.

Oh well. The walk was still pretty. Especially if you like scenes from Jurassic Park. Or pretending you're in Lord of the Rings....

Opportunities like this make me wish I had a better lense