Which, while being totally awesome (I mean, it's the FIRST anniversary of being married for one whole year, meaning we're officially no longer newlyweds), is just a little bitter-sweet to me. Mostly because it has now been (over) a year since I've seen any of my friends or family.
But more with the good memories of one year of marriage.
Phillip showed up, home from work, dressed in his full wedding suite. Tie, shoes, everything. With a massive bouquet of pink and white lilies, daises, and three roses (one for each of us, and one for our first year anniversary, he said). 3 days later, the rest of the lilies are still blooming and smell absolutely wonderful.
So what have we learned in one year of marriage?
- Phillip has an unhealthy obsession with pancakes. Which is partly ok because I make them pretty excellently, with oatmeal, linseed, and home-ground wholemeal flour.
- NOT taking yourselves seriously all the time really helps, well, a lot of different situations.
- Being honest with yourself first and then with each other helps smooth over a lot of potential (and actual) disagreements and arguments.
- I am a control freak in the kitchen and I have to leave the room if Phillip is going to make anything.
- Men (or, Phillip) need to be told EXACTLY what is needed or wanted. Hints just don't work. Period.
- We don't always mean what we THINK we're saying. Or what we say isn't what we mean. Asking and clarifying without malice solves a lot of things.
- Talk. A LOT. About anything and everything. Genuine communication really is key to keeping things running smoothly. Even if that's saying "I just need 15 minutes of my own time." or, "thanks for leaving your smelly socks in the laundry room so they don't stink up our room."
- It is O.K. to NOT spend all your free time together.
- Do things together.
- The need to be romantic never stops. For BOTH of you.
- Every day you CHOOSE to love each other.
- You choose to fight. You can choose to defend your pride or respond to anything hurtful that's said. Or you can choose to show love and not say anything negative or retaliate. Walking away to let things settle down is O.K., as long as you both understand that that is what is going on. Sometimes, you'll realize whatever was making you angry, wasn't all that big a deal.
- Pray for each other.
- Find married couples who seem to have it together. Talk to them. Listen to them. You're not going crazy, what you're experiencing is normal. Or people have had it worse than you.
- Unite over a common enemy if you're fighting with each other. Like the cat who decides to poop in the hallway.
- Laugh at things. Like the cat who pooped in the hallway. Or nearly burning down the house.
- YOU, as a couple, are more important than anything. More important than family drama, more important than work and money, more important than assembly and church duties, more important than friends.
- It's nice to just be with someone that accepts you for who you are, whether that's slightly crazy, obsessive, slightly controlling, or just plain weird.
- We are both bigger nerds than we let on when we were dating or engaged. It's pretty awesome.
And... that's about it for now. Otherwise I (or we, Phillip has been sharing and laughing over this list with me as I write it) will start to sound superfluous.
While it hasn't been a terribly hard year of marriage, it's had it's downs. But overall, I'm really looking forward to many more just like it or (hopefully) better.
And, I'm curious, have any of my few readers any advice for the years to come, or things they themselves have learned? Share in the comments if you'd like, we'd love to read them.